Drea Knufken
(Image credit: NCTimes.com)
Are these jobs crazy, or are the people writing the ads crazy? You decide:
1. Alaska: I Need a Tiger Strong Office Manager
No whimps need apply. If you really want to work, take charge and care about your job and the company that you work, I need to talk with you.
Well established printing & sign company is seeking highly motivated office manager. This position is for long term employment.
Duties:
Customer service
Invoicing
Accts Payable/Receivable
Light payroll
Ordering, receiving and inventory of supplies
Day to day operation of busy office
We offer great working conditions, pay and benefits
To apply for this position you must submit:
1. Current resume
2. Non family references
3. Current photo
4. Education background
5. Provide proof of competency with Quickbooks Pro
Candidates must wear a sleeveless flannel shirt while wrestling Quickbooks. Business owner will break a custom-printed sign over your head to ensure your pansy ass is tough enough for the job. If you don’t like the job, stop your whining. We have your photograph.
2. Maryland: Immediate Position @ Family Dollar!!
Assistant Manager 35-40hrs wk
Job Requirements:
Stong mathematics
Loves to organize the unorganized
Great time management(Habit of timing self)
Sounds Like You?? GREAT!! I also have other positions available but I’m only allowed to post one at a time. Since this is coming out of my own pocket please try your luck!!! I look forward to hearing from Mr./Mrs right… Right now!!!
You’ll work directly under ME!! LUCKY you!! I will make sure you time yourself and receive receipts. When something is unmopped, you will mop!!! You will do mathematics!!! Perhaps we will do it together!!
3. Athens, Georgia: Career Testing for Government Jobs and Homeland Security
The U.S. Department of Homeland Security has found that by the year 2010 there will be more than a 33% increase in the demand for Security Agents. Please, come by and see us this week – Athens Limited only by your self communication & certain qualifications.
Daily problems escalate causing security needs to rise: : ENVIRONMENT-US: Global Warming Is Biggest Security Threat: Global climate change, if left unaddressed, is likely to pose. (ipsnews)
Communicate well with yourself, and we may hire you to fend off belligerent heat waves and shoot into tornadoes.
4. Montana: Hotel Visitor
Seeking detail oriented individuals in the montana area to visit hotels and report onsuch areas as customer service, check in/out, valet, room service, pools/spa, etc…Potential to earn $500.
You mean I could get paid to poach hot tubs? Sign me up!
5. Amsterdam: High Commission-Based Sales in Alternative Industry!
Global Mycologicals and Mondo Mycologicals
Mycological research and development, mainstream and alternative product (smart) industries, and subsequent marketing of product lines.
MycoMate® brand mushroom cultivation supplies and SporeMate® brand spores
Mushrooms and truffles
Enthnobotanicals
Other products
Job Description: Expanding company is seeking highly motivated candidates for outside sales. This position is commission based and potentially quite lucrative. Candidates will be responsible for establishing wholesale business accounts and reporting directly to the president.
Please note that our office happy hours last about eight hours and usually take place in an IMAX theater.
6. Remote: Researcher Needed for True Crime Book
I am looking for current and historical newspaper articles and psychology/criminal justice articles that involve identifical twins, one which have either attempted to murder, or murdered, his or her identical sibling. I am really trying to understand how the emotional connection between identical twins gets twisted and results in disaster. Research candidate must have experience with internet and library databases and be able to translate research findings.
Benefits include paranoid nightmares involving twins and shattering disillusionment with humanity.
7. San Jose: Sign Wavers Wanted!
Saturdays and Sundays. 5 hours per day, 11am to 4pm. Reliable and Courteous individuals wanted to hold/wave an arrow to direct traffic to new home subdivisions.
Listen to music while you work.
No experience necessary, only a great attitude and lots of energy. Good pay for good people.
What does sign waving have to do with being a good and courteous person? You could be a felon and still listen to music and wave a sign.
8. San Jose: Stealth Startup Needs First Engineer
Are you willing to take the plunge, leave your current job and become our first engineer? Are you stuck in the wrong environment, waiting for an opportunity to ‘do’ a startup? Are you ready to start immediately (i.e. give your two-week notice on Friday 27th)
We are an innovative US-based startup in the educational space (middle-school math). We are geographically spread with team members in Boston, Singapore and Silicon Valley. We are still in stealth mode so we can’t say much more for now, but we can tell you that:
• We have already completed our first round of funding (VC money, not friends/family/credit cards)
• We are funded through the end of 2008
• We think our idea could change the way the world learns
At a minimum you’ll need:
• BS in Computer Science, Math, Physics, Engineering or similar
• 2-4 years experience in software development
• Ability to live on sugar and caffeine for extended periods of time.
• A really good understanding of what it will mean to your life (i.e. your wife, your kids, your social life) to do a startup
We have six months to make this work. If we fail, we’re all going home…….As such, you might want to consider that this is really a contract role for six months, with an option to extend, if we raise a second round of capital.
So you want to do this startup? This startup will clearly “do” you in return…
Happy Friday, everyone!
If you see any weird jobs that you’d like posted in this weekly section, please email businesspundit.tips@gmail.com
