Drea Knufken
Sometimes job posters try to play up the pleasantries of the jobs they’re advertising. This concealing quality helps them sell their unpleasant gigs to you, the reader.
Some of the jobs below are fluffed and bejeweled almost to the point of being false representations. Others say it exactly like it is. Pick out the masters of disguise and the blunt posters among the jobs below:
1. India: REWRITERS ARE NEEDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am in the need of some rewriting services. You will need to write 10+ good grammar articles per day. Reply to this post for more info. I will also like a sample of your work.
I’ve heard of writers, but never rewriters. Perhaps the ad should express a more blunt “Plagiarizers Needed.”
2. The Netherlands: Would you like to be paid to travel around Europe and UK?
We are one of the largest producers of paper pulp packaging products.
We are looking for an individual to travel around Europe for 12 months and help us get to know our customers better.
Role suits a keen traveller, who enjoys talking to people and is very organised. Sales and marketing experience or experience in the agriculture or paper pulp manufacturing industry is a bonus.
“Sell Pulp Paper Packaging” just doesn’t have the same ring to it as “Travel Europe and the UK,” does it?
3. LA: Pinkberry Topanga Mall Team Members wanted $9/hr
If you enjoy working in a fast paced environment and meeting lots of great people, then working at Pinkberry Topanga Mall is for you. Frogurt Empire, Inc (Pinkberry franchisee) is in need of team members for its Topanga Mall location. Wage is $9/hr plus tips.
Pinkberry Topanga Mall Team Member sounds better than Frogurt Emperor, but only by a little bit.
4. LA: Coffee Catering for Television and Features ( Barista Position )
We are a gourmet coffee catering company looking to hire somebody part-time to cater to the entertainment industry. We primarily serve TV shows and Feature films so professionalism is a necessity.
If hired, you will not be allowed to ask for autographs or take pictures on sets. Customer Service is #1 for us. We are looking for energetic people who are used to a fast paced environment. If interested, please email a resume with a picture attached (not required).
“Good-Looking, Well-Behaved Barista” could have served this poster a little better.
5. Texas: Primate Sanctuary Director
Born Free USA is currently seeking an experienced, energetic and hard-working individual (or possibly a couple) to manage the continued development and day-to-day operational activities of the Born Free USA Primate Sanctuary in Dilley, Texas.
Responsibilities include:
• Overall responsibility for the daily care of the animals at the Sanctuary, including feeding, habitat cleaning, maintenance of grounds and ensuring receipt of veterinary care as required and in line with official policy.
• Maintain all records including; animals (numbers, health, behavior, status), equipment, utilities, insurance, buildings status, supplies and so forth relating to the Sanctuary.
• In line with relevant Board Policies and in consultation with the CEO make appropriate decisions regarding new residents.
Qualifications:
• Must reside on Sanctuary property. Housing is provided.
• Must be able to carry out the physical demands of the job.
Feed apes, clean up ape feces, count apes, recruit new apes, play with apes, live with apes. Why isn’t “love of primates” listed as a job requirement?
Happy Friday!
