Drea Knufken
Image: alancleaver2000/Flickr
Are you, by any chance, a female Native American horse massager? Are you a good driver to boot? Pay heed. This week is all about you:
1. Dallas: Like High Pressure Environments? The Lazy Need Not Apply!
Applicants must have previous experience with photocopying and scanning large amounts of legal documents. Must be able to work within a reprographic shop setting. Must have previous experience with photocopy and scanning machines and be able to perform quality control. Must be able to stand for 6-8 hours at a time. Second Shift hours are from 3pm-11pm or longer dependent on amount of work. Lazy applicants need not apply!
It’s OK, lazy people. You can work for them too. You just have to move a bunch of paper really fast and force your face into a serious expression when anyone walks by. You’ll be fine.
2. New Jersey: Learn Equine Massage
Equine Massage Classes offered in Warren County, NJ 4 days with some home study…Payment plans/paypal accepted. Do you want to Start your OWN Business? Learn a NEW Language with horses while improving their Performance & Well-Being? SAVE $50 during the month of October!!
Kicking and biting insurance not included.
3. Tennessee: Female Chauffeur
Provide transport for ‘nights on the town’, etc. Some of our clients prefer well-dressed female drivers (including driving in heels), hence the posting. We are still working on the exact pay but should be in the $30-$75/hour, depending.
We ask that our female drivers drive in high heels and sometimes manual transmissions. Therefore, we are looking for a part-time “model-type” female driver needed to drive customers to desired locations around Memphis. Outgoing personality & knowledge of the Memphis area as well as nightlife. Must be well dressed and be able to wear high heels while driving.
Must knock clients on their backs and gently place heeled foot in the center of their chests, causing them to giggle wildly, at the end of every shift.
4. North Carolina: teenage male needed for weekend day labor
jobs will include helping drag brush, cleaning up yard, helping out with light carpentry, and other small odd jobs. pay negotiable.
weekend work only. will pick up if transportation is a problem. must be able to lift 80 lbs.
I don’t even want to ask why this poster specifically wants a teenage male to cavort with—err, help him in his backyard.
5. Colorado: Native American Actors wanted for Sci-fi Drama
Looking for experienced actors of Native American decent, and Native American that has a lot of knowledge about spirituality and enlightment.
Respected shaman of ancient traditions needed to interact with B-grade actors dressed in green Styrofoam suits. They better pay well.
Happy Friday!
